...

I wish I could make it disappear..
I wish they would understand..

I've walked this far..
I've worked hard to rebuild..

but now I have to let it all fall..
wasted, broken, torn, shattered..

once more my life in shards..
battered heart turns to dust..

once more...
I long for eternal darkness..

Hey Spammer!

YOU! yeah, you the one who spammed my comments of my posts with your pathetic Chinese porn site links.

I don't even have the slightest interest in your dumb site so stop spamming me with that stupid site of yours.

So get the eff out of my site you pathetic loser!

The Unforgiven

New blood joins this earth
And quickly he's subdued
Through constant pained disgrace
The young boy learns their rules

With time the child draws in
This whipping boy done wrong
Deprived of all his thoughts
The young man struggles on and on, he's known
A vow unto his own
That never from this day
His will they'll take away

What I've felt
What I've known
Never shined through in what I've shown
Never be
Never see
Won't see what might have been

What I've felt
What I've known
Never shined through in what I've shown
Never free
Never me
So I dub thee unforgiven

They dedicate their lives
To running all of his
He tries to please them all
This bitter man he is

Throughout his life the same
He's battled constantly
This fight he cannot win
A tired man they see no longer cares
The old man then prepares
To die regretfully
That old man here is me

Never free
Never me
So I dub thee unforgiven

You labelled me
I'll label you
So I dub thee unforgiven

Crossroads II

It's actually really tough to make a decision when the outcome is no longer a simple count size of 2.

What lies before me is quite difficult to weigh. Both with it's pros and cons and it seems hard to forfeit one path to pursue the other path.

One path is totally in my current interest. Both are actually in the list of my goals just that the other path was calculated to be not in the near future, but it seems that I reached both of them rather earlier than what I've pre-calculated and that is the dilemma I'm facing right now.

The first path, time flexibility and feeds my insatiable hunger for knowledge. The second path, power will already be at my command but of course, with responsibility and commitment. And both of them beckons me to choose either one.

I was set for knowledge, but the other path calls that I already have more than enough to be ready and that I will be most welcomed to walk through it should I choose to do so but the path won't be open for long.

"God never changes the state of a people until they themselves change their own situation." (Al-Anfal:53).

It would not be possible for me to reach this point in life, unless the above is true. Thank you Allah, for the blessings that you bestowed.

Crossroads

Sometimes I wonder how did I manage to hold on doing things that are not really of my interest. It's kind of puzzling myself. Well, I guess it could be because of the atmosphere, friends and colleagues.

December last year was real intense pressure that I ever felt. Going back to the office and face the shear terror and frustration of debugging someone else's messy code after a lot breaks in between surely kills my spirit.

And I reached my breaking point.

But somehow, it felt heavy to do this. Part of me struggles to break free. Another half wishes to stay and hope that it would somehow will turn out better.

But then, one by one, my comrades decided that it is also time for them to go off on their course for a better future. Memories are beautiful aren't they. I guess I have to firm my resolve then.

Cheers for friendship, memories and the future.

Silver linings..

This is my 1st post in 2010.

Nothing much happening except for the increasing level of stress and frustration. Job related especially. A hell lot of things happening currently that made me feel this way. I really hate changes or introduction of new stuffs that is required to be in the delivery of the product at the last minute. They should know that it is a very bad practice to do so as it causes unrest among those whose work depends on each other.

Another issue is if you are the one that worked on that particular task that introduced a new problem. You should be the one responsible to fix it. You are not supposed to pass your own mess to another and then keep on asking the person to settle it as soon as possible. Especially if the thing that you call working piece of code can be classified as not just spaghetti, but with shitballs too. Yeah you claim that it has all that nice pluggable features yada yada blah blah blah so on and so forth but does it ever crossed your mind that the thing should be simple and just get the job done? Have you ever heard of the principle of YAGNI?(You Ain't Gonna Need It). It's pointless to OVER ENGINEER something that could be done with just something simple. Be pragmatic about it please.

Anyway, rantings aside, I've decided I should leave soon. Sent my details to a friend and hope that his company will get back to me ASAP. They're working on web and enterprise applications development for a well known organization which sounds very interesting (Of course as my interest area is in the web and enterprise applications). Just hope that they wont suddenly start developing desktop applications as this is the thing that drives me crazy everyday. The most appealing part is that the work hours is super flexible. I just need to be at the office or site if there is a meeting or getting new task or delivering completed task. That way, I can work from anywhere I want. All these while I imagined myself working at my own pace and at any place that I wanted to. Starbucks?Coffeebean? McD? or just anywhere with an internet connection and a conducive environment. Mobile office for the win! As long as I can deliver, they promised they wont bother. Who needs Annual Leaves that way? Sounds really cool. But he mentioned that the other benefits that the company offer are sucky especially on the health and hospitalization coverage.

News flash! got a message in Facebook from my ex-supervisor during my industrial training at Celcom. He got one position for a System Analyst. We chatted a bit a few hours ago and he explained the responsibilities of the position. The person who holds the post shall be involved in the design of the system but NOT involved in the actual development? From the way it sounds, it's more like being a Product Owner to me. That would be cool. And he said that my expected remuneration is quite okay. The downside is, from past experience, commuting to work is horrible and work time is not that flexible. And I hope that if I ever offered the position and decided to take it, will it ever have something to do with coding? If not, that I might miss the joy of code writing.

Kinda confused on these two places. Don't really know what I want now. But anyhow, I'm grateful and happy. It's true then that reward came to those who persevere and patient.

Stand by my side and walk with me..

stay by myside and walk with me

i had enough of being lonely

aid me in my path choosing

in this life of many crossing

stay by myside and walk with me

the perfect person, i may not be

promise I made, to do my best

to put your fears down to rest

stay by myside and walk with me

together we'll create our own destiny

a place in this world for you and me

and forever we'll be for eternity